Sunday, March 30, 2014

Sooooooo Its almost 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. School is in the morning but my thoughts are too live right now. I'm tired but my mind is everywhere at the moment. Just cant seem to really understand why at this time.

There was a quote one time I read by an author named Alex Elle. I've read her best selling book that writes notes to "self" about many different things. Motivation so to speak. When you read her book,  it's like your basically reading a letter to yourself. Pushing you to do good things, to think positive, to learn how to love yourself (etc). Anyway, where I'm going is not exactly to talk about her book but about the one thing she wrote in her book that has stayed in my mind. She mentioned something about "trusting your struggle". It really caught my attention because it made me ask myself "how can you trust your struggle?" I asked myself this because I wondered how can you trust that things will be alright? that you wont get let down? that you won't lose people you love? that you'll become successful? how can you simply trust in your struggle? But after these past few weeks, I finally been able to understand.

I've come to terms with alot of things these past weeks. Even today, when someone very close to me, confided me in something that I never expected, all I could really do was be there for the person. It's been interesting experiences I've gone through. For instance, Julie's anniversary was last week, and its already been four years since her passing. Crazy how time flies. After experiencing some of the things I have, I've learned that there are just SOME things you can't control. Circumstances. Situations. Problems. All you can really do is accept yourself and just "TRUST your struggle". Ever since Julie Julie's death, (primarily the anniversarys of her passing) I would mourn and cry about her death because I was still healing from it. I would cry hysterically like a maniac and I knew I was hurting, yes, but at the same time, crying over something that had happened and was gone, wasn't going to make me heal. It was just making me confused and angry. This year however, it was different. I didn't mourn. I celebrated her life. I knew that me crying for Julie wasnt going to bring her back. I simply had to accept the fact that she is no longer here, and rather than crying about how much I miss her, I would celebrate the life and things she left behind. I know she wouldn't have wanted me to hurt or to even be hurt. Even with other things such as personal problems, I'm not going to chose to be hurt. With that, I'm proud of myself.  The series of events that have occurred this past month,  could make me be bitter about it and probably stress about it, but I'm not. I'm learning to simply let things be, and the right things will fall into place. There's just certain situations that won't change, and if they do have the will power to change, all you can really do is "trust your struggle" and hope everything will fall into place. You can't control what happens to you, however you can control the way you react, when things happen to you.

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qave a damn.