Sunday, March 30, 2014

feel good

Nothing better than being in Josh's arms. The comfort. The security. The love. Goodnight everyone.
Sooooooo Its almost 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. School is in the morning but my thoughts are too live right now. I'm tired but my mind is everywhere at the moment. Just cant seem to really understand why at this time.

There was a quote one time I read by an author named Alex Elle. I've read her best selling book that writes notes to "self" about many different things. Motivation so to speak. When you read her book,  it's like your basically reading a letter to yourself. Pushing you to do good things, to think positive, to learn how to love yourself (etc). Anyway, where I'm going is not exactly to talk about her book but about the one thing she wrote in her book that has stayed in my mind. She mentioned something about "trusting your struggle". It really caught my attention because it made me ask myself "how can you trust your struggle?" I asked myself this because I wondered how can you trust that things will be alright? that you wont get let down? that you won't lose people you love? that you'll become successful? how can you simply trust in your struggle? But after these past few weeks, I finally been able to understand.

I've come to terms with alot of things these past weeks. Even today, when someone very close to me, confided me in something that I never expected, all I could really do was be there for the person. It's been interesting experiences I've gone through. For instance, Julie's anniversary was last week, and its already been four years since her passing. Crazy how time flies. After experiencing some of the things I have, I've learned that there are just SOME things you can't control. Circumstances. Situations. Problems. All you can really do is accept yourself and just "TRUST your struggle". Ever since Julie Julie's death, (primarily the anniversarys of her passing) I would mourn and cry about her death because I was still healing from it. I would cry hysterically like a maniac and I knew I was hurting, yes, but at the same time, crying over something that had happened and was gone, wasn't going to make me heal. It was just making me confused and angry. This year however, it was different. I didn't mourn. I celebrated her life. I knew that me crying for Julie wasnt going to bring her back. I simply had to accept the fact that she is no longer here, and rather than crying about how much I miss her, I would celebrate the life and things she left behind. I know she wouldn't have wanted me to hurt or to even be hurt. Even with other things such as personal problems, I'm not going to chose to be hurt. With that, I'm proud of myself.  The series of events that have occurred this past month,  could make me be bitter about it and probably stress about it, but I'm not. I'm learning to simply let things be, and the right things will fall into place. There's just certain situations that won't change, and if they do have the will power to change, all you can really do is "trust your struggle" and hope everything will fall into place. You can't control what happens to you, however you can control the way you react, when things happen to you.

Friday, March 28, 2014

tis the season

Time to schedule that Pedi. My favorite season is coming real soon. 

Sunday, March 23, 2014



'How do you know when you're in love?'

COMMON: Man, I know I’m in love when I think about her a lot and I’m finding ways to get to that person. Even though I gotta work, even though I gotta take care of other responsibilities, I’m like yo, when am I gonna fly out and see that person? I look forward to seeing them.
KENDRICK LAMAR: How do you know you’re in love? When your heart feels it instead of your mind — and your penis don’t. You know, it’s deeper than that… That’s when you know.
PETE ROCK: Oh man you feel it right here, *touches heart*, right there, it’s like cupid’s shooting you in the heart, that shit’s just BOOW! Lots of people say they don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do, it’s happened to me.
A$AP ROCKY: You know you in love cuz you don’t want nobody else but that person. You know, that’s how you know for sure. Like you could see a million other bad bitches, but you know, but it don’t even matter, you stuck
BIG BOI: Your heart flutters a little bit, you like to kiss on the mouth a lot, your neck get hot when you kiss on the mouth, that type of stuff. Stuff like that, yea.

If you don't know me I'm a hopeless romantic. I admit it. As much as I try to hide it and cover it with a bandage, I really am a sucker for love. I wouldn't say "corny" but all those cute romantic things, I love and probably almost every girl does. I can't say I ever really saw what love was. My parents had seperated when I was so young that I didn't understand.. I saw their relationship fall apart in front of my eyes, and it crushed me to pieces knowing there wasn't really much to do. Though when I got older, I became more accepting of my parents and their decision to leave each other. I wasn't bitter or felt angry at them because I realized that they probably made the best decision for me and most importantly for themselves. I was finally able to understand why it didn't work out and it was okay. 

But with that, came alot. Since I never witnessed a healthy long lasting relationship, I didn't know what it consisted of because I never saw it at. But I promised myself that my parent's circumstances weren't my own. If I was going to find love one day, I wouldn't base it off what I had seen growing up, but rather find out for myself. Create it myself. That is how my mindset has worked. 

Of course movies and media play(ed) a role in the way I wanted my love to be. I wanted it to be passionate and perfect. Where the guy plays with my hair and gives me flowers every other day of the week. But after being in long term relationships, I knew that love shit was simply a fantasy that was placed in my heart and in my mind. I was so determined to find a love so different than what I had seen, that I was over doing it. I thought I'd be inlove with these men, only to find out, I wasn't. Because in the end, I wasn't feeling the feeling I thought I'd feel. The love that people talked about, wrote about, or the love that would make you want to do certain things for the person. I felt stuck but it didn't stop me from hoping. Hoping I could know when the day was I would know when I was "inlove". 

When I first met Josh, it wasnt planned or I didn't feel butterflies. I just felt curious about him. Something about him made me catch my interest into wanting to get to know him. As time went on, I knew I was feeling different. This love has and currently is the love I haven't experienced with anyone I have been with. With all my heart, I say it. It's not perfect but its raw, its genuine. I'ts sincere. I vaule my relationship with Josh because I know now what exactly everyone was talking about. The books people have written about, the stuff people blabbed about, the love that people sang about. It used to be some sort of a foreign language I didnt comprehend but now, I finally understand,  This is love. 

Mean girls is on!!! Yes, baby. 

Saturday, March 22, 2014


What what? ^

If you really ask me, I think people glamorize marriage so much that everyone has the wrong perception of it. For me, I think if your in a relationship for 5+ years or even 7+ years. I'ts OKAY. Love takes time..and with time comes progress. I really hate the idea of people putting a label on certain things and assuming because your not married by a certain time, your not worthy of a "title". People strive "titles" too much. Quotes like these baffle me because it's a prime example of how much pressure society puts.

Yes, one day I would like to get married. I would want the flowers, the wedding, the dress, my soon to be husband smiling at me with amazement as I walk down the aisle, yada yada. But before any of that, I need to build a relationship with my significant that can create an empire. There's more to marriage than what you see in television and the way society perceives it... Way more.  I personally believe that it's nice when your married to actually get a ring AFTER. Just for the simple fact that marriage is the time where it REALLY shows who you are for the person and what you stand for. Anyways, I would like to take as much time as I need to build myself and work on myself through a relationship so I can be a good wife in the future. There's no rush. I would need to work on myself financially, emotionally, and mentally before entering a pact of marriage. With that being said, I don't think there's a limit as to when you should get married. I also do not believe that time with someone determines your "eligibility" to be a wife. To each is own.


Thursday, March 20, 2014


Anyone close to me knows just how excited
 I am for Orange is the new black season 2 to come out.
This show will leave you laughing till you cry, confused as heck, and leave you wanting
more till the very end. Each character has their own unique personality that you
 can't help but love them all. This is the one show where the main character is the
most boring in my opinion lol. I tried hooking up as much folks as I could on this show.
 My friends, cousin, and my boyfriend are all frantically waiting for season 2 to come out.
June 6th on Netflix ya'll.

spring break

Spring Break is almost over and I'll be going back to school the following Monday. So far I have enjoyed myself. I've kicked it with my friends, spent some down time with my mom and Josh, and reacquainted myself with some of my family I haven't seen in a while (best part).

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

yummy goodness

So you know how much I lovelove drinks right? Well I went to Olive Garden today (Olive Garden kinda sucks in my opinion) and I ordered their strawberry passionfruit limonata. Best decision I ever made. Josh is getting me some more tomorrow. That's how real it is.

I also ordered calamari & stuffed mushrooms.Calamari is not something I order, but since Josh orders it everytime we go out, I'd figure I just order it. Both were just right. I was surprised just how much I liked it. Like I said before, I don't really like Olive Garden all that much, but these two things I ordered did not disappoint. If you ever go to Olive Garden, get one of these two suggestions. Especially the drink!


 Au Meme: J. Cole talking about a special girl that used to be apart of his life, who is he talking about? You be the judge of that.

Jermaine: “I loved her and I still love her, she was God’s gift to be and I never took advantage of it, it’s crazy how you can be so dumb in love, think that nothing can take that away from you how it can never slip through your fingers, then one day bam it’s like you’ve never had it, that’s how I felt when I lost her, but like I said I’m not the one to hold a grudge, I see now that she’s more happier than ever…sadly she looks more happier then how I made her.”



      Things to Remember
  • Always say yes to seeing friends
  • Eat breakfast every day
  • Recognize that positive change rarely happens overnight
  • Accept the fuck-ups, but try not to let them happen again
  • There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet
  • Appreciate the people in your life
  • Look for the good in everything
  • Try new things and try them often
  • Treat yourself as well as you treat others


Monday, March 17, 2014


 Happy Birthday to Mama Bear!

Even though my mother's birthday is not until tomorrow. I'm excited and blessed because I'm happy she gets to have another year of life. I'm especially glad because I get to witness it. My mother has been my ride or die my whole entire life. Growing up as an only child was never easy. Primarily because everything was focused on me and I felt like my parents sacrificed alot for me, even when I thought I didn't deserve it. I always felt as if I didn't want to be the cause of my parent's downfalls or come in the way of their goals and dreams. However, as you know, being a parent, you have to sacrifice alot for your kids sometimes and that was something I didn't understand when I was growing up. My mother has legit sacrificed alot for me. Especially after my parents called it quits when I was very young, it was just me and her. I'd seen her work long extra nights just to bring food on the table, quit jobs just to spend time with me, and stuck by my side through the good and bad. I really really give it to her because being a single mother raising a kid is never easy. What I love most about my mother is she always teaches me to be my own boss. She's her own boss and she has this strength about her when it comes down to it, that I want to own and have when I get older. I don't want to write pages about my mother (I could though) but I'm really thrilled that I get to call her, MY MOTHER. I hope she has a great birthday tomorrow! fingers crossed.

sunshine state

I'm soooo souped about my trip to Florida in July.
Havnent been since I was 5 years old!
Probably going to start "Summer packing" as of now.

Florida...Florida...I'm ready for ya!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Honest Drink

So lately, I've been trying to eat right. Eat better I mean. Slowly but surely transitioning to eating better meals and drinking better (water I should say). See, the thing with me, is that I LOVELOVE food. Like come on, who doesn't? I love pizza, chinese food, sweets, etc. BAD FOOD. You name it, I probably eat it. My Instagram is probably made of mostly pictures of my relationships with food more than anything else. lol. But in reality, I REALLY love to drink alot. When I mean "drink" I mean juices, sodas, fruity drinks (virgin). I could go to a restaurant, for example, not order anything on a menu, but just order a fruity drink and that satisfies me a great deal. I don't really get hungry alot but I'm thirsty almost all the time. So one of the things, I was looking for in particular if I wanted to change my eating habits, was first to look for healthy drinks.

Let me say this...THERE IS NOT MUCH HEALTHY DRINKS. The only 1000% drink you will ever find that can make you lose weight or wont make you gain calories is water. I love water but I needed a thirst quencher on the days I wanted something fruity. Naked Juice and Odwalla are as close as it gets. I do like their drinks, but I wanted a drink that didn't give me a "smoothie" vibe to it. I already made shakes in the morning, so I needed something that was more liquidy, healthy, and most importantly that could satisfy my cravings.

So I came across this at my job:
Honest Tea 

I noticed that alot of college kids (like myself) were buying these drinks. After 2 years working at my job, it's when I finally decided to give this drink a try. I'm glad I did because I love it!
I love this drink primarily because
a. it's low on sugar.
b. it's a thirst quencher
c. 100 organic certified (really though)
d. no GMO's which is a major plus.
e. fewer than a 100 calories per serving.

I really love these drinks and their an excellent substitute for any bad juices. I recommend people try this. I'm not telling you this drink is good for you, or it helps you lose weight, because it doesn't. This drink is just mainly a substitute for those who like to drink juices but need a healthier choice. My favorite is Pomegranate Blue and Cranberry Lemonade. So please try it!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Me currently.



I don't even know where to start. How to begin. What to even say. All I can say is that I'm back and I am super excited to start "blogging" again. I've come a long way I should say. I decided to go back to writing because its a way of relaxing me and it helps me alot to try to find out who I am and who I want to be.

It took me ALOT to try this again. Particularly because I looked back at all the posts I had written from 2009 up until 2012 and it almost brought me to tears. Not sad tears I should say, but I've come through alot. I read posts about struggling with my relationships, body issues, even Julie's death. It was alot for me take in because for a second, I become that girl, that was writing back when. That girl who had lost someone so close to her, the girl who struggled through a breakup, the girl who battled insecurity issues. All those emotions that I had, seemed to come back as I was reading and it brought me to tears. However, that girl has progressed. I've come a very long way since 2012. So much has happened and I have evolved so much. I decided to delete majority of my past posts, because I really want to "start over". I started blogging when I was about 14 and now I'm 19 going on 20. Alot has occurred and I just want to carry these new experiences with me and not get so hung up on the things I wrote about before. Many know me and some don't. As much as things have changed throughout these two years, All I can say is this....I'm Kiara and am still Kiara.