fountain of youth

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time. Wasting my youth. These moments, these same exact moments will be the same moments that I will reminisce and wish I had back. I don't want to be 20 years later, and regret not doing much. Some young people find solace in alot of things. I just want to find mine. I'm in my 20's now...and these are the years that I want to find myself...without trying too hard. See, sometimes we try so hard to find our purpose, that we forget to live. That sometimes life can happen and things happen that's beyond our reach. I don't want it to be that complicated. I want to find passion in the things I do but remembering to go with the flow. I want to LIVE. Find comfort in the beautiful things in this time of my life. There has to be more. There just has to be. Life doesn't have to feel repetitive. Especially at this age. There's so much things to see, so much people to meet, and so much life that has to be lived. If there's one thing I promise myself is that I will endure all these things.

Quote

"IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF, KILL WHAT YOU DON’T LIKE. I HAD AN OLD SELF THAT I KILLED. YOU CAN KILL YOURSELF TOO, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU GOT TO STOP LIVING."

Christmas Wishlist

I've narrowed it down to five items I want for this year. 

Now for those who don't know...I like expensive things lol.

 I mean I'm not materialistic of spoiled, but I love alot of 

designer brands and a big arm candy person.

 So handbags, watches, and jewelry are all my weaknesses. 

But there's other things that aren't so expensive that

 I've been wanting for so long...

Michael Kors Jet Set Travel Saffiano Tote, 278$

Yes, I'm a big MK fan. Not as much as I used to be, 

but I'm still very much a fan of his handbags.

I own  two so far, but I love this bag just because it's

 black & classy. It's just the right size to put in daily essentials.

 I really like simple handbags. This one does it.

Michael Kors Selma Quilt Satchel, 278$

You can tell I like black, huh? I love this bag 

because of the quilt look to it. It's a bit small

but I love the look and it seems easy to carry. 

Marc Jacobs Backer Watch, 175$

This watch might just be at the top of my list. 

Since you obviously know I love black.

Been eyeing this watch for a long time now. 

Fujifilm instax Mini, 79$

This camera is everything. For over two years,

 I've been indecisive about buying this, but I might just.

Its cute, small, and takes polaroid photos.

 You can also edit your photos with certain themes.

 I Need!

Olivia Burton Watch, 60-75$

I can't even decide because Olivia Burton has an amazing 

selection of watches that you just can't choose.

If you haven't checked her collections, please do.

 Plus, its affordable and super classy.

Cheesecake factory gift card, $$

A slice of cheesecake never hurt nobody!

hiatus

Its the end of the year and the year 2014 is about to close. I promised myself that I would keep blogging, but life takes control sometimes, and you get zero time. But FORREAL FORREAL that this time I intend to keep blogging. I miss it so much!

I watched my parent's wedding video. Today would have been 21 years of marriage if they were still together  It hit home to me because as much as I wish they were together, It took me a while to know it was the best decision they probably made. I admire my parents alot for their courage to not THINK about ME when it came to seperating. I didn't understand that then but now I do. Some things just don't work out & I'm glad my parents simply didnt stay together just for their children's sake. That takes courage.

follow up

I got the job I've been waiting for. So so happy about it.

 The passion I have for certain things will never go away. When you have a desire and passion to do something, nobody can take it away from you. I envision myself almost every single day doing the things I've dreamed of doing, and the places I've dreamed of going, and slowly but surely they are all coming through. Don't let anyone tell you can't or your dreams should be limited. If there's something that doesn't wait is time...and usually its not on your side. So making sure you make the most of the time that is given. It waits for no one.

so happy and excited for the new things coming into my life....

something to make you smile. freaaaaaking adorable.

feel good

Nothing better than being in Josh's arms. The comfort. The security. The love. Goodnight everyone.

Sooooooo Its almost 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep. School is in the morning but my thoughts are too live right now. I'm tired but my mind is everywhere at the moment. Just cant seem to really understand why at this time.

There was a quote one time I read by an author named Alex Elle. I've read her best selling book that writes notes to "self" about many different things. Motivation so to speak. When you read her book,  it's like your basically reading a letter to yourself. Pushing you to do good things, to think positive, to learn how to love yourself (etc). Anyway, where I'm going is not exactly to talk about her book but about the one thing she wrote in her book that has stayed in my mind. She mentioned something about "trusting your struggle". It really caught my attention because it made me ask myself "how can you trust your struggle?" I asked myself this because I wondered how can you trust that things will be alright? that you wont get let down? that you won't lose people you love? that you'll become successful? how can you simply trust in your struggle? But after these past few weeks, I finally been able to understand.

I've come to terms with alot of things these past weeks. Even today, when someone very close to me, confided me in something that I never expected, all I could really do was be there for the person. It's been interesting experiences I've gone through. For instance, Julie's anniversary was last week, and its already been four years since her passing. Crazy how time flies. After experiencing some of the things I have, I've learned that there are just SOME things you can't control. Circumstances. Situations. Problems. All you can really do is accept yourself and just "TRUST your struggle". Ever since Julie Julie's death, (primarily the anniversarys of her passing) I would mourn and cry about her death because I was still healing from it. I would cry hysterically like a maniac and I knew I was hurting, yes, but at the same time, crying over something that had happened and was gone, wasn't going to make me heal. It was just making me confused and angry. This year however, it was different. I didn't mourn. I celebrated her life. I knew that me crying for Julie wasnt going to bring her back. I simply had to accept the fact that she is no longer here, and rather than crying about how much I miss her, I would celebrate the life and things she left behind. I know she wouldn't have wanted me to hurt or to even be hurt. Even with other things such as personal problems, I'm not going to chose to be hurt. With that, I'm proud of myself.  The series of events that have occurred this past month,  could make me be bitter about it and probably stress about it, but I'm not. I'm learning to simply let things be, and the right things will fall into place. There's just certain situations that won't change, and if they do have the will power to change, all you can really do is "trust your struggle" and hope everything will fall into place. You can't control what happens to you, however you can control the way you react, when things happen to you.

tis the season

Time to schedule that Pedi. My favorite season is coming real soon. 

love

LOVE.

'How do you know when you're in love?'

—

COMMON: Man, I know I’m in love when I think about her a lot and I’m finding ways to get to that person. Even though I gotta work, even though I gotta take care of other responsibilities, I’m like yo, when am I gonna fly out and see that person? I look forward to seeing them.

—

KENDRICK LAMAR: How do you know you’re in love? When your heart feels it instead of your mind — and your penis don’t. You know, it’s deeper than that… That’s when you know.

—

PETE ROCK: Oh man you feel it right here, *touches heart*, right there, it’s like cupid’s shooting you in the heart, that shit’s just BOOW! Lots of people say they don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do, it’s happened to me.

—

A$AP ROCKY: You know you in love cuz you don’t want nobody else but that person. You know, that’s how you know for sure. Like you could see a million other bad bitches, but you know, but it don’t even matter, you stuck. 

—

BIG BOI: Your heart flutters a little bit, you like to kiss on the mouth a lot, your neck get hot when you kiss on the mouth, that type of stuff. Stuff like that, yea.

If you don't know me I'm a hopeless romantic. I admit it. As much as I try to hide it and cover it with a bandage, I really am a sucker for love. I wouldn't say "corny" but all those cute romantic things, I love and probably almost every girl does. I can't say I ever really saw what love was. My parents had seperated when I was so young that I didn't understand.. I saw their relationship fall apart in front of my eyes, and it crushed me to pieces knowing there wasn't really much to do. Though when I got older, I became more accepting of my parents and their decision to leave each other. I wasn't bitter or felt angry at them because I realized that they probably made the best decision for me and most importantly for themselves. I was finally able to understand why it didn't work out and it was okay. 

But with that, came alot. Since I never witnessed a healthy long lasting relationship, I didn't know what it consisted of because I never saw it at. But I promised myself that my parent's circumstances weren't my own. If I was going to find love one day, I wouldn't base it off what I had seen growing up, but rather find out for myself. Create it myself. That is how my mindset has worked. 

Of course movies and media play(ed) a role in the way I wanted my love to be. I wanted it to be passionate and perfect. Where the guy plays with my hair and gives me flowers every other day of the week. But after being in long term relationships, I knew that love shit was simply a fantasy that was placed in my heart and in my mind. I was so determined to find a love so different than what I had seen, that I was over doing it. I thought I'd be inlove with these men, only to find out, I wasn't. Because in the end, I wasn't feeling the feeling I thought I'd feel. The love that people talked about, wrote about, or the love that would make you want to do certain things for the person. I felt stuck but it didn't stop me from hoping. Hoping I could know when the day was I would know when I was "inlove". 

When I first met Josh, it wasnt planned or I didn't feel butterflies. I just felt curious about him. Something about him made me catch my interest into wanting to get to know him. As time went on, I knew I was feeling different. This love has and currently is the love I haven't experienced with anyone I have been with. With all my heart, I say it. It's not perfect but its raw, its genuine. I'ts sincere. I vaule my relationship with Josh because I know now what exactly everyone was talking about. The books people have written about, the stuff people blabbed about, the love that people sang about. It used to be some sort of a foreign language I didnt comprehend but now, I finally understand,  This is love. 

Mean girls is on!!! Yes, baby. 

wrong

What what? ^

If you really ask me, I think people glamorize marriage so much that everyone has the wrong perception of it. For me, I think if your in a relationship for 5+ years or even 7+ years. I'ts OKAY. Love takes time..and with time comes progress. I really hate the idea of people putting a label on certain things and assuming because your not married by a certain time, your not worthy of a "title". People strive "titles" too much. Quotes like these baffle me because it's a prime example of how much pressure society puts.

Yes, one day I would like to get married. I would want the flowers, the wedding, the dress, my soon to be husband smiling at me with amazement as I walk down the aisle, yada yada. But before any of that, I need to build a relationship with my significant that can create an empire. There's more to marriage than what you see in television and the way society perceives it... Way more.  I personally believe that it's nice when your married to actually get a ring AFTER. Just for the simple fact that marriage is the time where it REALLY shows who you are for the person and what you stand for. Anyways, I would like to take as much time as I need to build myself and work on myself through a relationship so I can be a good wife in the future. There's no rush. I would need to work on myself financially, emotionally, and mentally before entering a pact of marriage. With that being said, I don't think there's a limit as to when you should get married. I also do not believe that time with someone determines your "eligibility" to be a wife. To each is own.

fierce

OISTNB

Anyone close to me knows just how excited
 I am for Orange is the new black season 2 to come out.

This show will leave you laughing till you cry, confused as heck, and leave you wanting
more till the very end. Each character has their own unique personality that you
 can't help but love them all. This is the one show where the main character is the
most boring in my opinion lol. I tried hooking up as much folks as I could on this show.
 My friends, cousin, and my boyfriend are all frantically waiting for season 2 to come out.

June 6th on Netflix ya'll.

spring break

Spring Break is almost over and I'll be going back to school the following Monday. So far I have enjoyed myself. I've kicked it with my friends, spent some down time with my mom and Josh, and reacquainted myself with some of my family I haven't seen in a while (best part).

yummy goodness

So you know how much I lovelove drinks right? Well I went to Olive Garden today (Olive Garden kinda sucks in my opinion) and I ordered their strawberry passionfruit limonata. Best decision I ever made. Josh is getting me some more tomorrow. That's how real it is.

I also ordered calamari & stuffed mushrooms.Calamari is not something I order, but since Josh orders it everytime we go out, I'd figure I just order it. Both were just right. I was surprised just how much I liked it. Like I said before, I don't really like Olive Garden all that much, but these two things I ordered did not disappoint. If you ever go to Olive Garden, get one of these two suggestions. Especially the drink!

Real

 Au Meme: J. Cole talking about a special girl that used to be apart of his life, who is he talking about? You be the judge of that.

Jermaine: “I loved her and I still love her, she was God’s gift to be and I never took advantage of it, it’s crazy how you can be so dumb in love, think that nothing can take that away from you how it can never slip through your fingers, then one day bam it’s like you’ve never had it, that’s how I felt when I lost her, but like I said I’m not the one to hold a grudge, I see now that she’s more happier than ever…sadly she looks more happier then how I made her.”

THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU BABY COLE.