love

LOVE.

'How do you know when you're in love?'

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COMMON: Man, I know I’m in love when I think about her a lot and I’m finding ways to get to that person. Even though I gotta work, even though I gotta take care of other responsibilities, I’m like yo, when am I gonna fly out and see that person? I look forward to seeing them.

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KENDRICK LAMAR: How do you know you’re in love? When your heart feels it instead of your mind — and your penis don’t. You know, it’s deeper than that… That’s when you know.

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PETE ROCK: Oh man you feel it right here, *touches heart*, right there, it’s like cupid’s shooting you in the heart, that shit’s just BOOW! Lots of people say they don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do, it’s happened to me.

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A$AP ROCKY: You know you in love cuz you don’t want nobody else but that person. You know, that’s how you know for sure. Like you could see a million other bad bitches, but you know, but it don’t even matter, you stuck. 

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BIG BOI: Your heart flutters a little bit, you like to kiss on the mouth a lot, your neck get hot when you kiss on the mouth, that type of stuff. Stuff like that, yea.

If you don't know me I'm a hopeless romantic. I admit it. As much as I try to hide it and cover it with a bandage, I really am a sucker for love. I wouldn't say "corny" but all those cute romantic things, I love and probably almost every girl does. I can't say I ever really saw what love was. My parents had seperated when I was so young that I didn't understand.. I saw their relationship fall apart in front of my eyes, and it crushed me to pieces knowing there wasn't really much to do. Though when I got older, I became more accepting of my parents and their decision to leave each other. I wasn't bitter or felt angry at them because I realized that they probably made the best decision for me and most importantly for themselves. I was finally able to understand why it didn't work out and it was okay. 

But with that, came alot. Since I never witnessed a healthy long lasting relationship, I didn't know what it consisted of because I never saw it at. But I promised myself that my parent's circumstances weren't my own. If I was going to find love one day, I wouldn't base it off what I had seen growing up, but rather find out for myself. Create it myself. That is how my mindset has worked. 

Of course movies and media play(ed) a role in the way I wanted my love to be. I wanted it to be passionate and perfect. Where the guy plays with my hair and gives me flowers every other day of the week. But after being in long term relationships, I knew that love shit was simply a fantasy that was placed in my heart and in my mind. I was so determined to find a love so different than what I had seen, that I was over doing it. I thought I'd be inlove with these men, only to find out, I wasn't. Because in the end, I wasn't feeling the feeling I thought I'd feel. The love that people talked about, wrote about, or the love that would make you want to do certain things for the person. I felt stuck but it didn't stop me from hoping. Hoping I could know when the day was I would know when I was "inlove". 

When I first met Josh, it wasnt planned or I didn't feel butterflies. I just felt curious about him. Something about him made me catch my interest into wanting to get to know him. As time went on, I knew I was feeling different. This love has and currently is the love I haven't experienced with anyone I have been with. With all my heart, I say it. It's not perfect but its raw, its genuine. I'ts sincere. I vaule my relationship with Josh because I know now what exactly everyone was talking about. The books people have written about, the stuff people blabbed about, the love that people sang about. It used to be some sort of a foreign language I didnt comprehend but now, I finally understand,  This is love.