Tuesday, April 10, 2012

seeking him

lately, ive been really seeking GOD like never before. it really sucks actually because there was a point in my life where i was so into GOD and church. everything was about GOD and just seeking him, reading the bible, being active in church etc. everything i did and everything i wanted was only GOD and everything that had to do with him. i was hungry for GOD and only for him. it was like when your inlove & all you think about is THAT person and its everything you see just reminds you of that person..thats how it was with me & GOD.
now let me say this...i grew up in church. and no, it wasnt like an only sunday thing...no. i grew up going to church three to five times a week. i come from a family filled with leaders. my grandparents started a church when they first came to the US in their living room and now its a full congregational church. my grandparents were pastors, my aunt was a pastor, my uncle was a pastor, my mom was leader of the youth, and even till this day i have some active family members leading ministries and church groups. so it isnt surprising without a doubt that my family wants me & my cousins to follow the path. church has basically been all i know and honestly i cant imagine myself not ever going to church, its sort of became a habit. but no matter where i go and where i end up, i know that the morals & teachings my family has brought upon me when it comes to GOD, especially my grandfather, i know i will take me wherever i go. but its not just about going to church everyday, because honestly you can go to church everyday and still not be close to GOD. i just want to have that passionate, intimate relationship with him...
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even though ive been in church all my life it was only until i was thirteen where i actually my first intimate relationship with GOD. when i was younger, i didnt really understand. i would just sit there and write notes to my friends or "pray" with my friends when in reality we were actually talking to eachother. LOL. those were the days...but as a i grew older, i started to really seek him and thats when i started to get close to him. even till this day, i still have a close realtionship with GOD, but i know it can be better. i honestly dont want my relationship with GOD to be when i only need something or when something bad happens. i want to have a relationship that is constant & persistant just like how it used to be. i admit, i havent been myself lately when it comes to that and i know thats something i need to work on and thats my first priority before anything.
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today, i went to church and it was prayer night. i really connected myself with GOD and i really felt his prescense, just like before. i hope that this is the start of something new. got to get myself together!